SOUTH PARK THE FRACTURED BUT WHOLE Gameplay PL PREMIERA (Napisy PL)

SOUTH PARK THE FRACTURED BUT WHOLE Gameplay PL PREMIERA (Napisy PL)


what has become of this city there used
to be laws justice not anymore crime is out of control cats are missing
and townspeople are being victimized we were supposed to protect those who
couldn’t protect themselves let’s get off my car you little fucker
now superheroes are torn apart by political differences we are two sides
at war but war isn’t going to save our city
time travel is my only hope now myths tell of ancient times when a new king
United a kingdom torn apart by a powerful stick hi hon Shannon there’s no
time to waste I have to go back change the present if I can and find this cat
and in doing so perhaps I can change what has happened to all of us still eight takes taking Cooper King
Dennis they got the bait you got to stop him their armor is too strong they’re
wearing bicycle helmets where is the king we should be happy that he’s made
friends in this town so quickly we came here to hide more friends just means
more trouble you’re being paranoid you need to lay off that stuff it’s changing
you Oh lay off it’s the one thing that helps me relax from your stupid shit oh
hey whippersnapper didn’t see you there and your friends are downstairs kiddo
get out there and play yeah Hey look you brought a tail hey man I’m tally your
gaming bud I’m gonna give you some tips from time to time because well who
doesn’t like tips right all right then I’ll see you later my lord the filthy Marsh are attempting
to overtake Koopa keep you then have Batman these who our only hope my lord
come on dude what you just moved to town and you get
to be king well I think you’re a little pussy I’m not afraid of you and your strategic
king combos okay really get him this dad oh we can’t stop him
ready the guards of the dark court wow did you see that
the Kings amazing these fellows are unparalleled you can’t take us all on
yeah just walk away I suppose go first you go first you show
up King oh the humanity it’s fine you can’t keep the Moors down but your kings too powerful the Moors
will triumph I can’t shut off your puny glows little we’ve got to keep inside Karma’s
house stand aside or die we’re going through
that door you can’t oh yeah why not because
everything and funny here is lava oh dude no way
all that is lava yeah everything from here to here is lava you can’t cut it
shit come on let’s get inside we can’t they’re seeing everything at further
towards lava oh that’s not fair that’s the dragon roaring it’s pissed
man he’s still not dead don’t add your turn where it’s gonna hit
you damnit okay if you get a fire breath
attack our King gets his hammer of heavenly grain stay out of the street
damn kids oh my god he defeated the dragon no
frickin way that kids amazing maybe there’s a way in through the
garage my lord if there’s a way in through the garage
the king will find it yes only the Kings can find these secret way in through the
garage yeah King douchebag of surgery skillful warrior did you see how he
moved that letter and you’ll get to clan up he truly is the most powerful King in
all the realms speak Bard what happened to the stick of truth the wizard had it
thrown into the ocean lies you shall feel the wrath of a Moorish unhand him
you heathens release the bard oh you’ll have a king to deal with a king they say
he can slay a dragon with one blow that’s right
and if you don’t wait wait whoa where is the wizard I thought he was with you
guys now we got a distress they know to come help him here the wizard is gone
my name is the king I’m from the future dude we said we’re not playing God
anymore yeah we’re all split up what’s the point
this is the point in my time there is a massive crime wave and missing cats
I knew my only hope was to assemble the team hey you can’t switch games like
this where’s the stick of truth shut up Kevin this isn’t about some dumb stick
there’s a cat in trouble and it’s the key to finding the crime syndicate new
to our town in the future crime syndicate that that sounds too heavy for
Coon and friends well what do you want Clyde you want the fucking freedom pals
to find the missing cat get the hundred dollar reward and make their superhero
franchise more popular fuck the freedom house dude that’s right poopsykins
there’s a loud ringing coming from your basement playroom the Coon alert come on
Coon friends go get your stuff and report back to the cooler in the future
Coon and friends this symbol sorry guys you can’t play with us we’re playing
superheroes now and you guys are dorks oh hello the boys are down in their
little basement playroom oh did you get locked out
I’m afraid little Eric put a lock on the door to keep me out I’m sure he has the
passcode written down here somewhere it’s important yes officer somebody
appears to put lava in front of my door what no it’s not hot but my son told me
I will burn to death if I try and cross it uh-huh
oh yes he did tell me that if I step on a crack it would break my mother’s back
fuck it won’t you mom see if the waitress does know anything that’s not
enough mosquito we have to act fast before the freedom piles can a hundred
dollar reward do you know what that could mean to our superhero franchise
that cat looks pretty old maybe just died in the gutter somewhere
human kite do I have to remind you that as of right now freedom pals have a
hundred followers on Instagram we have six the five of us and Billy Turner
who’s a ginger this is the key to finally beating those fuckers but where
do we start looking that cat could be anyway
we need to split up mosquito take to the air and check out all the city parks you
got it mosquito away human kite see if the cat is stuck up a
tree somewhere you’ve got the storm drain super Craig Craig Fastpass I need
you to use your superhuman speed to get to the mayor’s office and tell her we’re
on the case don’t worry Coon you can count on
sickbed pace to get death excuse me super quick super Craig this
is Kim do you copy super Craig the fuck are you I repeat
the fuck are you super Craig oh wait now the security system isn’t working dude
what the fuck ordinary citizens aren’t allowed in the
Koon there we’re playing superheroes now and you aren’t a superhero new kids so
fuck off okay all right look you can watch us play superheroes as long as you
don’t get in the way make yourself useful go grab me the staff Ernest e
device it’s over there well that took long enough
it’s the furnace II device active you really want to be a superhero huh
play with the big boys well maybe maybe you can be useful have a seat at the
table douchebag let’s see mosquitoes a B else Jesus
Christ are these even in a human language alright in order to play
superheroes you have to have a superhero persona then you can fill out your
character sheet on Kunta Graham do you have a coaster Graham Paige yeah boy
you’re not even on Q Instagram have well I guess I can create one for you so the
first thing we need to fill out on your character sheet is your class you know
what kind of super speedster since you’re a newbie you can only choose
between three for now brutalist blaster blaster you
brutalist blaster a blaster with raised powers like cyclops okay douchebag but now we need to find
out what terrible thing in your past drives you you see douche all
superheroes have a compelling backstory it’s from that backstory that their
powers gained meaning let’s take you back to when you were just a child you
lay awake that night like so many other nights you couldn’t sleep because you
knew you weren’t like the other kids you walked to the mirror you walk looked in
the mirror and you felt alone and that’s when it happened a loud noise you swore
you could hear your mother calling for help you left your room out in the hallway
you saw two intruders in front of your parents door you had to stop them from
hurting your parents you knew you had the power to stop them so for the first
time you called upon your blaster powers as a blazing blaster hero you began to
overheat as the fire in your belly ignited you wasted no time delivering
sick burns into the villains before you you fried the bad guy as the flames cleared the intruders
realized what they were up against shit this little flame er means business
didn’t your mom tell you not to play with fire the intruders moved in to
attack you’ve left us no choice kid with the enemies closing in you gave
yourself some space by knocking your foes back but the intruders wouldn’t take getting
pushed around laggy hey you can’t push us around like that little did they know they set themselves
up for destruction I’ll just get out of the way his comrade fallen the extra
ugly one closed in not so hot now your little flamer yeah
we showed him you were gravely injured but the intruders blows only awakened
the fires that burned within you you swallowed the pain and Unleashed your
ultimate attack and so you beat them all seem to be okay but then you finally
reached your parents door and what you saw when you open that door changed your
life forever and led you to fighting crime you were too late because when you
open that door you saw you saw your dad fuck your man Wow that’s a pretty heavy
backstory you fight crime because you never forgot the night you weren’t in
time and you saw your own father the man you trusted fuck your mom it’s like a
ripple in time you can’t ever change isn’t it
alright now that you’re a superhero I have a mission for you I need you to go
out into town and try to get as many followers as you can on currency Graham
it’s the only way our franchise will survive okay I guess you’re popular enough to
selfie with your friends now I guess nuke it looks like you’ve reached the
edge of our known universe beyond there lies the limits of time and space well I guess we have enough Mutual’s
that we can selfie not bad but huh you’re gaining followers pretty fast
keep up the good work I’m still having trouble reaching some of the Coon
friends you might want to see what’s going on I see you’ve made it to the
palace of the clouds that’s home based a human kite perhaps
you can find him inside who the hell are you really you said a newbie to my
distress call you’re such a dick Coon sorry kid but my
problem is too big for a rookie a few days ago there was an anomaly in the
universe another version of me the human kite from an alternate dimension showed
up here and it’s destroying everything right now is upstairs in my room I don’t
think anything can stop it human kite from another universe is
behind this door I can’t fight him for obvious reasons you know alternative
universe paradox shit so you are going to have to take him out you’ve got to
really kick his ass dude so that he wants to return back to his
universe on the East Coast you ready all right go get him oh hey Kyle I’m big who’s your friend did he come to play
with us alright maybe from another universe
it’s time for you to go back to your universe what do you mean Kyle we’re a
team remember I’m not from another universe we’re like best super pals as
you can see he is the one running around giving to him a kind of bad name he was
sent here to destroy me and weaken my powers no no I came to spend two weeks
with my cousin and wanted to play superheroes and then he said okay what
super hair do you want to be and I said I want to be humankind but he said you
can’t be a human kite I’m here me kite and I said well why can’t we be human
kites together so I went to an scheana and I said I want to be human case
together and she told him he had to do what I said because I was the guest
remember I’m sorry me from another universe but it is time for you to learn
that playing superheroes is too painful new kid you must now destroy my alter
ego how Jesus we’re gonna fight that’s right if you really want to play then
this is how you do it well alright anything to make me and my
cousin more like prepared for battle weakly I haven’t done a whole lot of
sparring it’s a no contacting full-contact
not sparring oh I’m afraid that’s impossible I didn’t bring my pants it’s
happening get a new kid cousin Kyle we can beat him if we join forces yeah I’m getting a little tingle in my throat
does anyone have a lozenge oh my there’s a lot of decisions in this
game I care you should not play that’s a decision you say oh don’t be silly
oh you guys timeout my vertigo is starting to act up Jesus come on Jesus okay I think my inner ear fluids have
stabilized now that last hit didn’t count right I’m undoing that damage okay
Kyle you set some classic alternate universe bullshit did your parents tell
you not to play with fire because look what’s happening now
snow god I need a timeout so I can use my inhaler cousin Caillou I called the
timeout and you didn’t dick in you know my eggs my flares up when I exert myself
yeah I think this would be a lot more fair if I had a shield some kind of
shield like a they’d like to stay for Torah which also has a great sentimental
value dude human kite is an alien there’s no
Jewish stuff involved and you can’t just make up powers in the middle of a battle
I’m not making it up it’s totally canon in my alternate universe have hydrocortisone cream preferably
prescription-strength wait I thought I should get this turn instead of the new
kid because he didn’t wait when I said timeout earlier so I think it should be
my turn now are you kidding me that’s totally cheating that wasn’t too hard
right I don’t want to cause any permanent
damage be careful please I have a number of existing ailments that I don’t want
to exacerbate alright here we go my super ultimate power get ready are you
ready oh Jesus okay Rath kite from an alternate universe oh Jesus I think I
might have ruptured my hernia you had enough alternate me yeah this superhero
stuff really hurts I better go back to my University oh you’re leaving dude
that sucks yeah I’ll be going back to my University now human cage I need some
came to Phoenix for my ear because I got a scrape on it they’re being farted on
dude I don’t know how to thank you from now on calling me whenever you need help look at but Lord those are sixth graders
they’re the most vile evil beings known to superheroes you guys are stupid
everyone knows Kieffer’s mom has the nice sixth graders are way too powerful
for you rookie just keep walking don’t even look at them Hey look at the
stupid little for theme you better get lost dork when I finished kicking your butt I’m
gonna kick your spaceship frog’s butt guys got your back from the sky oops
justice please don’t die new kid the tables are hurting
shut up for the– okay who’s the next target of my unbridled rage oh so Kraus sixth graders are the most unhygienic
kids on the planet you don’t even want to know what they do with their tails sorry guys got a lot to consider here wow you’re so brave if nothing else beating on oh I’m up
okay it’s given too late to talk this out
shut up loose the bully has become the bullied I’m
still the bully it’s my turn now Twitter have your boyfriend massage that
for you don’t worry your eyebrows should grow
back eventually wow you really beat him you saved me Wow nice work new kid you took down a
sixth grader keep it up you really want a selfie with me why don’t you defeat that sixth grader
with so cool maybe I can become as strong as you one day the world needs
more champions like you new kid a bully of the bullies greetings citizen it is I super Craig
I’m sorry but I cannot assist anyone with their problems right now
super Craig can’t fight his kitty pig go tell the coud that I’m not playing until
I find stripe he’s not just a normal guinea pig he
belongs to me and my ex-boyfriend that’s right super Craig is gay
I’ll bet stripe is down in the basement again we should start in the basement
that’s the last place I saw I’ll stand by the stairs that keep him
from escaping you do the rest butthole be careful this is probably the most
challenging mission you’ve ever been give it oh look there he is in the vet
way up high again follow that guinea pig you just
snap that box like it was nothing ah basics quick hit that box with your
thing hit that thing this is so not a waste of your time I can’t believe you just did that you’re
so good at this move that thing out of the way all right do your thing or he won’t come
out until he gets hungry Wow that looks like it requires so much
skill use the power of your ass over with yes stripe a brilliant rescue but it
wasn’t just me we have but Lord and it’s sickening asshole to think you did it
newbie if you ever need help you can count on super Craig oh yes who wouldn’t want a selfie with
the Craig of Steel oh good we’re done a super Craig without a stripe is like a
super girl without a bicycle new kid hey there oh you wanted Craig’s friends you
looking for Craig me let’s just say I’m an art collector specializing in a
delightfully modern and extremely confusing Asian art form known as yaoi
crazy right but this stuff is worth a fortune to the right buyer if in your
adventures you find any of these bring them to me I will reward you handsomely
come back with any new pieces you find not bad new kid not bad way to go out
and get some followers on Instagram I think you’re ready for the next level
head back to the coon lair King asked stop new kid stop you see all
those little red Lego bricks that’s lava you try and cross lava you
die don’t even touch it wait this doesn’t make sense who would
put lava there that’s right Coon I have strategically placed lava throughout the
town I can’t make it too easy for you what good is a world without a little
cash okay now we’ll deal with chaos when the time is right for now we have to
keep our eye on the prize Coon now watch this bro Wow there you are but
huh being a superhero is a little harder than you thought huh it’s okay you
totally suck but I can’t help but feel sorry for you
because your dad fucked your mom and you’re a child come this way
I’m gonna teach you about artifacts you see most superheroes augment their
abilities with specialized equipment you see this it’s a strength artifact you’ll
find things like these all over town the trick is to equip them into your out of
fact sluts go on give it a shot every artifact has a specific place it can be
slotted on your body equip this one to boost your strength stats it might be a little uncomfortable at
first your DNA is fusing with it mean you’ll find more out of facts out there
during your superhero adventures and you can even craft your own just remember
with great power comes great chicks and money I think you’re ready to take on
those sixth graders now go give them hell
but lord oh hey new kid you found your first fast travel station look for more
they’ll make your life raised okay that was pretty badass
we make a good team Oh Vigo is sweet wait until it gets on the internet about
how the couny friends beat up for sixth graders this is great for our franchise
kind of sucks for you though new kid cuz now the six graders are gonna be coming
after you you probably should have done that that was pretty stupid
okay now go and get our franchise more followers whoa wait a minute you didn’t fill out
your kryptonite so what you’re invincible there’s no way that’s against
the rules you have to have a weakness go find mosquito he can help you out
I’ll put the rest of the character sheet step on your maps now get out there and
do some superhero missions that’s the only way to fill out your charity sheet welcome to Freeman’s tacos if there’s
anything I can interest you in well you just let me know star of stage and
screen Morgan Freeman is not prepared to take a selfie with you at this time Freeman’s tacos is completely craft your
own you know what crafting is don’t you just open up that crafting menu and we
can get started you can combine food items into whatever
you like let’s start with a staple the burrito a warm tortilla wrapped around
well any old something here I’ll give you what you need to get started this
here shows now did you now this requires a first taste of crafting let’s dig in
you can combine food items into whatever you like and go ahead see what happens
if you combine a burrito and an enchilada congratulations new kid with
an enchilada and a burrito you’ve crafted an injury dough it’s the first
time anyone’s ever done that and what the hell have a few more recipes they
might just save your stupid ass on just one more thing they say that some farts
are so powerful they can actually bend the fabric of time you be careful out
there that’s raisins new kid mosquito must be
inside get in there but do not be tempted by their amazing wings and hot
bitches hi welcome to raisins just one of you
today welcome right over here cutie one of our raisins girls will be right
with you isn’t he just the cutest thing he sure can’t eat a lot of wings yeah so
so then I flew it to the sky and I beat up all the bad guys well I need no
mosquitoes can be so tough yeah well ever heard of the Zika virus
another plate of wings cutie sure just put it on my tab
big spender hey beat it kid these are my women what superhero are you me oh my
god the bishop by fellow superheroes I’ve
completely forgotten back away temptresses mosquito knows what you were
trying to do what are you talking about kid raisins girls are mosquitos
kryptonite you gotta get me out of here well okay then here’s your bill ha ha I
think not you tried to charm me I will not pay this bill you have to leave it
in pathway they aren’t going to let us go without a fight kid let’s do this you’re making a big mistake messing with
Kenan fans welcome to the team you’re gonna need a
total makeover we need to punch some sense back into
mosquitoes I feel so tingly Oh go find your own soulmates let’s mess with some physics polyMet shorter way that’s a good way to
move like you give a fuck prepared to be swarmed I’m all revved up and ready I wanted to order a Lebanese I guess it’s
too late come on this is our chance huh those witches are my kryptonite and
you must have saved me just in time I’m forever in your debt
but hero what is your kryptonite dude you can’t be a superhero without
something that you’re powerless against any particular Phobos any emotional
hang-ups I mean come on there’s got to be something look it’s okay I’m on your
team but kid you can tell me all right all right let me see your character
sheep tastes like crab it look like people
want to overthrow mankind those guys night job done your kryptonite is
officially noted you know Biscay don’t mess me up call on me if you should need
me Coon friends oh hi you’re the new kid right oh great
thanks for coming have a seat as your counselor you can talk to me about
anything okay you understand you want to talk about sex mm-hmm okay see I’m
highly trained in them sex issues you can you don’t have to be afraid
okay new kids it’s really simple when uh when you want to talk about your sex you
simply you can start by simply saying you know I’m a boy or a girl or other boy right exactly you got it now new kid
this might get confusing but listen close okay if you were born a boy that’s
called being a cisgender boy okay or sis for short but well you you might have
transitioned into being a boy you see what I mean if you were not born a boy
but now a identifies one well that’s called being transgendered okay or trans
for short oh good so um do you identify as being
cisgendered or transgendered okay can you just hang on a minute I
need to call your parents to just take a second hello this is mr. Macky the
school counselor yeah uh I have your child here in my office and well he’s
just let me know that he’s cisgender that means he identifies with the sex he
was assigned at birth no you knew that okay well no no it’sit’s fun I just
wanted to make sure that you knew he had other options you know you know you
don’t always have to go with the first hand you’re dealt okay yeah no that’s
that’s great that’s great to know I think I can really maybe be of help
from here on out on thank you very much okay bye-bye now
okay well I’m really glad we had this talk as a cisgendered male myself I know
how hard it can be out there for a boy who chooses to love someone of the
opposite sex just remember love is love even if
you’re a guy who happens to like titties well hello new child I haven’t seen you
before but you come at a crucial time South Park is sliding into moral decline
someone’s stealing our cats they’re tp’ing houses okay maybe it’s not full
on Armageddon yet but we do need a hero not to make the hard sell but do you see
yourself as a good person well I can understand the confusion
but there comes a time when we need to choose our path will you find Jesus and
take the righteous path or maybe you’ll walk the middle way let’s not talk about
the third alternative I’m hoping you’re part of the solution not the problem take the first step my child by entering
this meditative chamber which will allow you to confront your deepest fears
face your fears new child face your fears your dad fucked your mom your
grade of the dark snakes the color blue oh hey I am in your imagination just a
friendly Catholic priest who would like to get to know you a little better hmm
yeah that’s right I’m totally in your imagination too about to give you a
shoulder rub never imagined you’d feel something like this let me adjust the
lighting in here a bit so we can get some visuals with that huh I guess this
one likes it rough no complaints here you if someone doesn’t do something quick
I’m gonna start tickling kids I’ve got God’s luckier Who am I gonna
give it to good hide-and-seek huh do I get a kiss if I find you that priest
likes kids aha don’t you wanna go to heaven with me almost ready to cover you in God’s love all of God’s children are deserving of
his love so just hold still don’t be shy there’s no reason to hide Oh My gods graces totally filling me rook don’t you want to go to heaven with
me god damn it I can’t put a child in a
dark room for two minutes without you bastards showing up where you’re
definitely going to hell now get out of here that’s not what the Queen spider
says I’ll go say ten mil Harry’s well gosh I feel just awful about all that
tell you what a rabbi friend gave me this macaroni picture in times of
trouble and tribulation use it to call upon the prophet Moses good luck on your
spiritual journey my child and you kid come take a seat all right well how’s it going out there okay good talk but listen I think you
show some potential and I’m gonna upgrade you to somebody’s sidekick or
something congratulations I just maybe wanted to talk about your
superhero character a little bit um your character sucks
to be honest and I think I’m gonna let you do a class let’s pick another
ability to add so what kind of skill set are you looking to add to your
repertoire elementalist psychic cyborg psychic okay I think those two will work
nicely together but now we’re gonna need to change your backstory too so let’s go
back again to that fateful night back when you were little you did lay awake
that night but the reason you couldn’t sleep was because you wanted to make the
world a safer place you walk to the mirror you looked in the mirror and
wondered if anyone would ever love you and then you heard a noise but but it
was a baby crying out in the hallway you saw you guys attacking a helpless baby
on the floor you had you stopped him from hurting that baby didn’t you you
knew you had the power to stop them and so you called upon your newly discovered
power as a psychic superhero you focused your man and prepared for battle your
foes had brawn but you had brains you use those brains to create a sky shield what do you think what
what’s with the kid you sensed another threat coming from up the stairs as the
brute entered you overpowered his weak man with a dazzling flash first intruder tried his luck again but
his attack still couldn’t penetrate your mental barrier what is this power still
under the influence of manga later the biggest intruder attacked his fellow fag
hey what do you think you’re doing I can’t now you figured your mental energy to
further trivialize your enemy’s attacks come on that’s just not fair
the intruder still thought he could get it hittin on you but he tie bang I’m
just out of ideas me too oh you were done toying you
focused your mental energy once more you got into position to unleash a massive
cerebral blasts maybe brains are better than brawn and so you beat them you
swept the baby up in your arms to take him somewhere safe and then that’s when
the unthinkable happened you saw your dad fuck your mom and from then on you
had to live with the factor because you were busy helping a baby you couldn’t
stop your mom from being fucked by your dad that’s heavy man I’m really sorry I
know you probably want to know why why your dad fucked your mom but those are
answers you’ll have to find for yourself this is what’s happening it’s the
freedom what have they done now just get the main street hurry
we’re coming Koon Adam well new kid looks like you might be needing those
newfound powers follow me this way but hope towards the bus stop
it’s a quicker trapped my Coon sense is on fire
freedom pounces on the move the confrontation is brewing yes this way
keep going towards the bus stop man escort missions are the worst god damn
it so close head towards Maestri butthole and gird your loins for battle
yes a little further no not that way main street the Freedom House are on
Main Street and right now we aren’t we were supposed to be a duo remember
tweek yeah I remember so when I walked out of Qunu friends you should have
walked out with me I like coded Fred because you had your
old movies thank god you’re here they’re really going at it super Craig
had to have movies before wonder tweek was introduced and they no sense
otherwise y’all cool makes no sense because you’re a traitor tweek and now
you’re with a group of super traitors this was started by you by people who
thought there should be preferential treatment to certain heroes we are the
ones who walked out of the fucking franchise mysterion Eric you must listen
to me right now I’m speaking to you telepathically get out of my head Timmy
your franchise is going nowhere face the truth Eric you guys are kind of
douchebags he just caught his douche bags in mine and he did all right you
son of a bitch back motherfucker good friends deal with these assholes you’re making a big mistake messing with
human friends time to break a leg yours surprise I wonder tweak champion
acceptance but that’s new keeps gonna kick your ass freedom pals I’ve had it my this is the part where
the bad guys regret their life choices good job you’ll kid you’re really
getting the hang of this hey wait what about code oh shit come on dude what
happened Timmy got away yeah he completely raped my mind you okay no
seriously you guys he fucked the shit out of my brains uh I grabbed him
we fought for a little bit but it’s his mental powers are too strong so we get
all that for nothing not quite I got Timmy cell phone you’re
dead there’s sure to be a lead on that let’s
get this back to base super Craig can analyze it ah hello is this the little superhero
who’s getting all the followers on Instagram your presence is requested at
City Hall the mayor of South Park wishes to speak with you don’t make her wait ah there you are bud huh all right let’s
get to work why isn’t you kidding MySpace I’m busy what have you found super Craig Timmy
slowed has a bunch of notes in it something about a girl who has
information about all the criminal activity in town what girl it just says
find the girl with the dick tattoo what girl in town has a dick tat oh I
don’t know mosquito but the freedom pals must think she’s the key to finding the
missing cat if the freedom house find her before we
do they’ll get the hundred dollar reward we cannot let that happen we have to
stop the freedom pals from having a sweet franchise at all costs then we
have to find the girl with that tattoo tonight Fast Pass is right we all have
to sneak out of our houses tonight and search the entire town what do you say
new kid are you up for it yeah who let this guy join us anyway go easy on him
you guys he’s had a tough life when he was six years old his dad fucked his mom what I’m sorry friend but it’s time they
learned you’re a tragic backstory but who doesn’t trust anyone because his dad
fucked his mom and he couldn’t do anything to stop it that doesn’t make
any sense I know how could the person you trust do
that to the only other person you love Cartman everyone’s dad fucked
everyone’s mom hey that’s how it works stupid our dad’s fucked our mom’s all
right so does that mean your dad fucked your mom cam yeah yes my dad fucked my
mom that’s why I’m here don’t steal his backstory dude that’s
not cool you’re so fucking stupid every human alive on earth had a dad who
fucked their mom out stop this is not what’s important right now we need to
find the lady with the dick tattoo yeah let’s get home so we can prepare for
evening missions let’s go Coon friends
such a fucking idiot it’s okay calm down I’m afraid you’ll have to deal with that
kind of bigotry your whole life but how when people don’t understand they lash
out I’m going to let you be a sidekick tonight to one of the Coon friends go
home and sneak out after your parents are asleep I’ll fill you in later but
are you doing even talking to the school counselor why’d you answer the phone
have you lost your fucking mind our child felt the need to go talk to
the school counselor doesn’t that bother you at all so you told him the truth no
we didn’t talk about that at all you dumb bitch you’ll ruin everything
I don’t have to listen to this from a stoned out pothead I need a drink
sure drown your problems in Chardonnay you stupid skank
oh hey whippersnapper have a fun day out playing no ha ha ha well I’m exhausted
gonna get ready for bed dinner’s on the table if you wanted Punk but then
straight to bed okay pothead alcoholic sweetie I just want you to know that
whatever happens mommy always loved you good night sweetheart net10 that’s when the creeps come out
but unfortunately for the creeps the other thing that comes out at night is a
kid captain diabetes yes a mild-mannered
gentleman with the power of diabetes as his control I used to bring a simple
elementary school student but then one day a freak science accident heard my
diabetes these are superhuman stripes all right
psychic we’re supposed to go investigate a girl who might know the location of
the missing cat follow me Hey ready let’s go sidekick college this way fuck bitch let’s see how you like this daddy that’s right pancake okay well
move out all the way I need to go buy some more beer
I’m sorry but cap and diabetes cannot let you drive
I’m fine to drive okay yeah I hear they give it like cheese you’re right no
condition sir I’m fine okay look wait look look I’m
fine okay give me my keys I’ll return them tomorrow get in the
fucking cage this shit you think you can dance with this let’s go if you drive at approximately 11 a.m.
it’s 11 a.m. somewhere you can’t scan get the night crush be psychic I’ll get
those keys right after this short little nap good all right psychic we have a job to do go
on it there’s a shortcut through him okay Keith Kyle’s off on another mission Matt yeah
we run our own psychic it’s up to us to get to the bottom of this jess has upstairs shortcuts appear in
the attic the tune gave us permission to use it sometimes when I have too much
sugar I get really angry and strong I call it my diabetic rage it’s kind of
like when Wolverine Quebec that’s my jacket this is human coccyx secret base farts
make me angry the cone sexist because my mom started when she gave birth to me
and that’s why I have diabetes I don’t think that’s why I have diabetes oh I
think it was a gift to help fight crime the shortcut it through that window let’s clear a path psychic I don’t have
my own secret base but if I get at least now clean it up a fine you had super
guests coming over couldn’t even set up the ladder for us
geez they’re tidied up this shortcut will
take us right into the heart of downtown stop Carmen come on do not be afraid they’re fairly hero in a psychic descend
into the darkness ready to strike down evil and bring peace listening you don’t
think people yeah because their mouths are inside this do you I feel like home
a guy up to make captain job you feel insecure about himself as you can see
psychic but nice house up park is quite a different place we’ve got to get into
the peppermint hippo to the town square Burnham County suck rocks best band in
the fucking world pussy balls pick these fucking things you see how masterfully I
have learned to control my diabetes I will here it is here’s where we’re going to
find the girl their suits me unsavory characters and lots of boobies inside
come on let’s go inside hey beauty kids 21 and over only gender
sighs anything it is I top diabetes I must speak with the ladies inside get
out of here before fucking throw you out hmm what did you they will you kids get out of here
already if you’re gonna talk take it the fuck outside I told you to get out of
here hey there’s fucking sweet hot tits back
there and you’re too young to seems fuck off 121 can see those hot fuckin tits
alright get out because everyone knows it’s physically impossible to get past a
red velvet ropes just go away fuckin ask for it no titties for you we
can’t force our way in sidekick it seems we’ll have to use our brains instead of
our brawn hmm there must be another way in
somewhere look at your sidekick away in all we
need is a pack up there like it now we get to meet away up there over
here sidekick I have an idea oh of course
stand aside sidekick oh boy you’re creeping me out Wow okay we may be saggy strip club Wow these ladies are really moving well
don’t freak out sidekick we’re superheroes we can handle this
one of these ladies has information about the missing cat but who there’s
only one thing we can do we have to pick someone and take him to the VIP room
find someone and make me there no lineup is complete without a little taste of
paradise get down on your knees and pray for angels day care is behind the ball
sweetie come back when you’re 21 and I’ll let you suck on my implants hey you
two girls ready to party so this is your friend huh fucking hot as fuck right
would you like to take her to VIP I don’t know it’s just kind of short
I like I’m short you take the one with the speech impediment come on get some
dances for little ass yeah first we get dances then we talk oh okay so have you gentlemen ever had dances
from a girl with a penis tattoo hey we didn’t come back here to talk baby
yeah no talking until you finished grinding on our jugs oh okay you know
what this means don’t forget to bring the towel it is his baby you’re stinking up the
room what kind of move was that oh come on you’re killing my buzz here let’s just talk okay Jack can chat time oh man so what
kind of work are you guys you and if you ever dance from the girl here who has a
penis tattoo why are you keep talking about a stripper with a penis tattoo
yeah yeah classy that’s her name her name is crappy yeah classy with an eye
and a little dick that hangs off the see which fuck’s the L out of the a SS of
course hence the tattoo we have the name no
cake come on what are you talking about this is the worst VIP experience ever
yeah all I did was get fired it on you ain’t going nowhere
ha ha I am the ordinary stripper I am captain diabetes what nice I can I
simply use our powers of disguise to extract information from you you won’t
get away with this captain diabetes oh shit my boner is wearing me down yeah
all I did was get herded on I’m gonna call the Better Business
Bureau and tell them you Gail if you have any complaints about your lap dance
experience it’s a peppermint hippo Jessamine as you great work new cake now
let’s get back to the main floor alright guys hope you’re having a good night out
there be sure to tip your waitresses and maybe buy a drink for the DJ next up on
the main stage we’ve got a little bit of hot sauce coming up your way let’s give
it up for as move every guy yeah check that gig hey cause the bitches games and
then the bitches come out of that backroom new keys we need to find a way
to distract your DJ hi guys gin and tonics always make my mom pass
out if we can make one hey spike it with something really
strong he’ll be out for sure go make that drink psychic no introduction she’s
everybody’s favorite treat give it up for candy yeah you heard my CD yet I’m a way
better DJ than that asshole but dreams for the digit jumping we can
put in a drink well watch out for open flame I’ll let you hold on the gross gap
psychic perfect addition to our concoction nice one there’s certainly something growth
despite that he’s a freak with around here I think we’ve got the makings of a
real knockout drink hmm they need one more thing hmm
do you think it’s gross enough not the DDM it’s missing oh gosh oh god sorry you had to feed a
sidekick but nothing in this world makes me more angry than fights and awakens
the deep-seated rage that I harbor within me I wish it didn’t have to be
fired but that’ll definitely take you figure out long enough for us to come
out classy all right guys we got a special does appreciate it oh man Wow that’s right guys let’s get her on out
here that’s classy with an eye and a little kick the fucking hell out of ya
give it up for Colette hey hey what’d you call the me out fo I ain’t on stage
yet wait a minute you ain’t the deejay yep let’s see her new kid all shitty
five-oh cops are here after her he went through here sidekick they after
me ladies stop him nobody’s allowed back here yeah get lost then design ladies
captain Davies and his sidekick need to question that sticker you want to get to
her you’re gonna have to go through us bring it on all right guys this is your
DJ back in the bathroom looks like we got a special treat for you tonight the
two assholes that farted in my drink are about to get booked in the face by our
very own lovely ladies by a parrot IV I implore you to stand down lady here comes our favorite flower fellatio
give it up for fuchsia hell no I get mixed up in this combat
shit you just want to get to the far end of
the room as fast as your little legs can take you there hope you have some fast
attacks give it up for Paris whoo Lala need i
say more yes she comes to his straight from the coca Cabana you know who I mean
a big hand for our luscious Lola sorry ladies go take a rain check
let’s get out of here you can’t stand up to my crusty psychic did it just get a lot spicier in here oh
that’s why it’s Esmeralda from the end of the hallway how about a kiss baby I
got my stank on that one’s perfect I guess is no match for the power of
diabetes and subbing in from the day shift give
it up for blaze hey can we turn the house lights down just a touch we’ve got
coffee down the hall Lakeside click quickly come on sidekick kick their ass you Mama’s mad now sugar classy
up yours whoa let’s not care if we got to stop those tiny cups from catching
classy hey better not have fucked up my girl
nails there’s no reason for this to get ugly she can smash a watermelon between Earth
Isis Anastasia we need to get the key before the stripper whore overwhelms us
get that sidekick okay guys better look out for this coke
and she’ll stick you right up her butt it’s Rhonda you gonna whoop these cops
today or what you’re gonna cry tiny cop you’re no network I think I think you
can you crusty sidekick okay my ass starting to get nervous now
oh you little bastards don’t fuck up don’t get a bootay look out ladies and
gentle if ease the mistress of BDSM your dominatrix dream come true it’s
spontaneous honey you ain’t ready for this bootay I’m gonna crush you in my booty cheeks
let me sit on the bank real quick oh my god no Christmas alive with her
massive but here comes death by spontaneous bootay again check this shit
out come here baby whoa shit
spontaneous boot I will fuck you up kids you better run like hell
if you run now you may live to brag about this ladies take them down
sidekick shootin my booty is hungry for blood baby the tiny cops are about to die and go to
booty heaven you’ve got your first stripper
oh it’s on I’m shit on you to your ad pop out of
your head if you run now you may live to brag about ah
you’ll never take me alive we can’t let her get away get inside
go on scram I ain’t afraid to use this thing come on
you’ll kick internet restaurant just gonna let that time justify psychic it’s
time for diabetic giving my guy back reg can’t move this son yeah huh oh yeah hey
it’s too much but I’m your knight you sayin that I need not Oh No okay I’m out
of insulin you got to help me out Craig yeah but I don’t let me actually and I’m
going into tau barracks yeah damn I’m tired so guys no no guys somebody please
Hey this is Ken checking in how’s it going
for you guys everything cool over there okay you know what makes my fart super bad
and crafted text medicine text me not just any handcrafted tex-mex
it’s got to be something extra special you know what to do new kid I’m alive
what happened who are you wait a minute what happened I saw their guide from
diabetes I remember seeing a bright life the
hands of God reaching hoarsely thanks somebody farted in my face then I was
back I can almost smell it Hey Wow your fuck can actually move objects in time
that’s impressive now let’s get back and ask arisen to
friends we found this female but he gets kicked in the Italian restaurant
requesting back-up you heard him all Coon friends to the
Bukit effect Jeanne and I said you know what your problem is you’re an alcoholic
you didn’t I did I said I said you can’t even go a day without scotch you lush I just don’t get how these people can get
high every night I mean I’m sorry but if you’re sticking a cat ass in your face
you obviously aren’t happy with your parents no yeah there where’s the girl he was here you didn’t hear come in no
we were busy sinking our watches no we were looking at menus because Cartman
made us order food fighting crime on an empty stomach is very dangerous human
catch it’s for your own good whatever she could have left we would have seen
her go out the front door laughing maybe he’s in the back
okay you guys check it out call us if you need help we’ll be waiting for you
with our breadsticks hey come on we need to get on this a
bath in the meanwhile that certificate summers fuck you hi baby fan you feel the wrath of human kite those eye lasers set for defrost or some
things pick up the intensity human get worried about your own shit Coon now a
pounder your noodling to do Rizzoli hmm watch this new kid I’m gonna do
something fucking sweet it’s might sting I wonder if they can
make your action figure do that like some kind of spring-loaded thing major Wow I’m almost impressed okay calm down if they touch me again I’m making you
all Busboys I still make you squeal like it the South bottoms up I’m gonna dip my balls in your sauce do
that again and I flatten you like a like a date up dip the piadina that’s a left-handed spatula never
underestimate the power of diabetes what a pretty pretty light show I’m making you flat like a de pizza I
think you’re spies out of alignment human height I still feel pretty lies
but thanks oh yeah this one bleeds reenact okay we’re gonna go do some real
superhero shit Oh try migrate Crusaders were no match
for the Coon and friends huh sidekick ha she must have gone this way but the
passage barricaded I could easily lift this out of our way but I can’t use my
apple juice without insulin to bring me back down hmm maybe they could trigger
my diabetic rage somehow of course there’s my super strength that could
knock it over but I can’t use apple juice without my insulin we need to find
a way to get that over without returning faculty like a mild-mannered superhero
it’s almost impossible he puts me into a state of blind rage except wait that’s
it your fight psychic you’re terrible fights it throw me into fits of Rage of
course the Coon wasn’t trying to make me feel
insecure Lee told me that my mom gave me diabetes he was trying to help me unlock
my true powers we’ve got you through there and get to class a psychic for the
good of South Park for Coon and friends I need you to fart on my face don’t be sad I’m not muted tell me where
to stand alright ready when you are we get it the
path is clear it’s hard for me to lose control of myself but if we’re ever in a
dire situation like that again psychic know that you can fart in my face oh man we gotta tell the guys who we
found missing cats a whole will of him judy scrambles one of them uh negative
none of them are Fagin old then what about the girl
we’re still tracking her we have to find out what she knows
get going hold on a psychic sounds like there could be trouble behind that door
there’s someone in there get ready 1 2 see I told you the council chasing me
and you let them here you stupid bitch who you calling a stupid bitch do I look
like your mama yes you got classy these kids are cops that ain’t no cop
that’s Captain diabetes when he was born his mom farted during labor and it gave
him diabetes that he uses to fight crime if they aren’t cops then we can shoot
them along with this bitch too oh yeah turning on me I knew I shouldn’t
win into business with y’all Tony Soprano look at motherfuckers so long
captain diabetes let’s see your diabetes Savior now he’s
wasted on red wine red wine drunk it’s the worst trunk there is let’s get the
fuck out of here alright captain diabetes this is it give me my fucking
keys then die you’re being unreasonable mixer mark let
me call your wife leave Sharon out of this you know Frick ah that’s not fair y’all can’t be using
your ass to speed up time and skip people tires and shit have a really good
feeling about this guy’s once again the two takes a day all right
I’m gonna take a cab yeah nobody drinks and guys on Captain
diabetes wife and I shit look all I know is there’s a
kingpin trying to get new high-grade drugs out on the streets it’s somebody
trying to bring the Italians and Chinese crime families together and shit enough
small talk where is scrambles scrambles we need
this reward money for our superhero franchise oh shit y’all just want a cat
so Nana’s Cisco he just some low-class assholes start working two months ago
he’d be talking all this shit about making money off the crime in the city
cuz some bigshot white boy be running all the drugs now hookers and shit right
okay uh-huh but not me I’m my own pants you know what I’m sayin it’s like I got
one investment in this world that’s my pussy and I ain’t puttin no mortgage on
that to some high-paying nigga talk about trying to make more money off
crime and she classy I’m sorry but what what about the cat’s own Aircast okay
that’s this little asian freak named yakky Baba some shit like that he going
around paying all these little sixth graders to take people’s cash
that’s fucked up I think taking that pussy and like taking money you know
what I’m saying that’s like criminal shit where do the cat go I can tell you
but I ain’t saying shit until I know I’m safe you understand these niggas ain’t
playing and I need to know you gonna protect my ass Eric Cartman do you have
any idea what time it is this is a school night mom not now we’re seriously
onto something you kids all get home now or I’m calling your parents sorry mrs.
Cartman please don’t tell my mom and who is this stripper woman these comb
friends offer me protection well she’s not staying here fine fat pad
take her to your house okay and now the news program that starts
your day off right good morning South Park good morning South Park a new
vigilante took to the streets last night and is apparently single-handedly taken
down the fam boni crime family here with more is a midget in a bikini Tom I’m
standing outside the buca di faggocini where the vigilante declared war on
crime in South Park security camera footage showed a young person farting in
people’s faces on their balls it was just terrifying the kid came in and just
started farting on people it was out of nowhere man
maybe someones finally standing up to what’s wrong with this city this new
kids a hero the kids a menace if you ask me how long before he or she kills an
innocent person how long before daredevil becomes the Punisher huh three
season three seasons police called to the scene found a treasure trove of
illegal items that they claim might tie the Italian restaurant to a larger crime
syndicate this may be just the tip of the iceberg certainly chilling stuff and
their reports the vigilante possibly had a sidekick
there was thought to be a sidekick Tom but further investigation showed it was
just some little twerp with diabetes thanks midget and of course the question
on everyone’s minds now who is the farting vigilante this is going to make
us look bad you fucked up it wasn’t our fault this
kid just came into the restaurant and started farting like there was no
tomorrow all you Italians are supposed to do is
move the product the Chinese and Russians do the rest everything has to
be discreet and quiet or people are going to learn the truth that we put the
product into people’s drugs and alcohol in order to create more crime you just keep doing your part in getting
the cheese out on the streets or maybe I’ll start dealing directly with the
Russians or the Chinese or the sixth-graders oh man what a great sleep yeah I haven’t
slept that well in weeks hmm so you guys do anything interesting last night oh no
you know do usual just watch some TV and rent a bed yep nothing exciting in art
but boring lives well then I guess I’ll just be seeing you guys tomorrow you’ve
got a big day ahead of you new kid get changed into your superhero costume and
wait for a message from the king you

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