There’s a Horse In The Hospital | John Mulaney | Netflix Is A Joke

There’s a Horse In The Hospital | John Mulaney | Netflix Is A Joke

– Now I don’t know if you’ve
been following the news, but I’ve been keeping my ears open and it seems like everyone, everywhere is super mad about
everything all the time. I try to stay a little optimistic,
even though I will admit, things are getting pretty sticky. Here’s how I try to look
at it, and this is just me. This guy being the president, it’s like there’s a horse
loose in a hospital. It’s like there’s a horse
loose in a hospital. I think eventually
everything’s gonna be okay, but I have no idea
what’s gonna happen next. And neither do any of you, and neither do your parents, because there’s a horse
loose in the hospital. It’s never happened before. No one knows what the
horse is gonna do next, least of all the horse. He’s never been in a hospital before. He’s as confused as you are. There’s no experts. They try to find experts on the news. They’re like, we’re joined now by a man that once saw a bird in the airport. It’s like, get out of here with that shit. We’ve all seen a bird in the airport. This is a horse loose in a hospital. When a horse is loose in a
hospital you gotta stay updated. So all day long, you walk around, oh, what’d the horse
do, what’d the horse do. The updates, they’re not always bad. Sometimes they’re just odd. You’re like, the horse used the elevator? I didn’t know he knew how to do that. The creepiest days are when you don’t hear from the horse at all. Like down in the
operating room, like, hey, has anyone, uh… has anyone hea– (makes clip-clop sounds). Those are those quiet
days when people are like, it looks like the horse
has finally calmed down and then ten seconds
later the horse is like, I’m gonna run towards the baby incubators and smash ’em with my hooves, I’ve got nice hooves and
long tail, I’m a horse. And it’s like, aw, that’s
what I thought you’d say you dumb fuckin’ horse. And then, then, then you
go to brunch with people and they’re like, there
shouldn’t be a horse in the hospital. And it’s like, we’re well past that. And then other are people are like, well if there’s gonna
be horse in the hospital I’m gonna say the n-word on TV, and it’s like, those
don’t match up at all. And then for a second it seems like maybe we could survive the horse, and then five thousand miles away a hippo was like, I have a nuclear bomb, And I’m gonna blow up the hospital. And before we could say
anything, the horse was like, if you even fucking look at the hospital, I will stomp you to death with my hooves. I dare you to do it. I want, I want you to do it. I want you to do so I can
stomp you with my hooves I’m so fuckin’ crazy. And he’s like, you think
you’re fuckin’ crazy, I’m a fuckin’ hippopotamus, I
live in a fuckin’ lake of mud, I’m fuckin’ crazy. And all of us are like,
okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, like poor Andy Cohen at
those goddamn reunions, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. And then for a second we were like, maybe the horse catcher
will catch the horse, and then the horse is like, I have fired the horse catcher. He can do that? That shouldn’t be allowed,
no matter who the horse is. I don’t remember that in Hamilton.

100 thoughts on “There’s a Horse In The Hospital | John Mulaney | Netflix Is A Joke”

  1. Penguin-in-an-Igloo also questioned the hospital as to why it let the horse in, but they didn't speak penguin or inuit

  2. I love that he compare Trump to a horse and the Korean guy to a hippo very accurate sorry I don't know the Korean guys name I could Google it but I'm lazy

  3. Funny, of course the horse has the hospital running better than the a$$ who was in it before, or the other previous a$$es before him. And the hippo sat down and shut up, as well.

  4. Someone at my work showed us this video and we couldn’t work for 15 mins cause we were laughing so much!! 😂😂

  5. NEWS UPDATE: the horse has been caught, but the hospital is talking about bringing the horse back into the hospital

  6. But somehow that horse and the other animals before him, persuade Americans that they have to go to other countries to kill people to bring that system to them, and Americans accept it and ignore that that is completely BS and the real reason is simply that war gives money and power to those who run the Zoo.

  7. The fact that you can for a second believe that North Korea will ever try to fire a missile to the US is ridiculous. The further they could do it is South Korea or Japan, but only if the US attacks them first. The US military forces have nothing to do in Asia to begin with.

  8. “I don’t know if you’ve been following the news”


    Damn he’s funny but that sentence wasn’t funny at all

  9. Funny thing is that the "horse" was also the first sitting president to actually cross the dmz and go into North Korea to meet the "hippo." Not sure if he wrote this comedy bit before that happened or not.

  10. While it’s funny I feel like half the people there wouldn’t find it funny if it was their candidate he was making fun of

  11. Meanwhile, a third of the patients say, "We totally support this horse galloping around the hospital! It is strong, it represents self-reliance, and it doesn't play by those elitist hospital safety rules. And sure, maybe it trampled a few pregnant women and burn victims and chased the most qualified doctors out of the hospital and befriended the doctors who've botched half their surgeries, but even Alexander the Great's horse must have messed a couple of things up."

  12. Ya know I support the horse and even I found this funny, good work sir, I hope someone gives the horse a sugar cube on your behalf

  13. John Mulaney

  14. Try to find a comedian with a better delivery than Mulaney and fail miserably. I emphasize, not the best text, but the best delivery by far.

  15. But you know what. That horse in the hospital is one of the best firkin presidents of modern times How you like them apples,

  16. Now there's another horse who says he's gonna defeat the first horse!
    "In the end, we're still gonna have a horse in the hospital!"
    "Yeah, but this one is working against the other horse."
    Also the second horse is paying doctors to root for him.

  17. This is not only best joke about trump I've ever heard, but also most elegant and exqusitie joke about trump. Pure Triumph. I love you John

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